How are you being asked to grow?
This little nugget of wisdom came by my desk today and I thought it would be great to share with you.
“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it . . . This will miraculously transform your whole life.” - Eckhart Tolle
Accept it as if you had chosen it.
Work with it, not against it.
Brilliant. And yet so hard, right?!
I think the path to acceptance is one of the hardest paths to navigate on this journey of life.
In order to accept something that is happening outside of us, or even something that is happening within us, we have to relinquish the desire to control it.
And it’s so hard to release that desire for control!
To say “just let it go” or “just surrender” without honouring why the desire for control exists to begin with, only leaves us feeling vulnerable, which is exactly what the desire for control is trying to protect us from.
So the mind says “just let it go” and the body says “but I don’t feel safe” as your heart rate increases and your palms sweat every time you find yourself back in whatever the situation is that is asking for acceptance.
And when the mind and body aren’t on the same page, things just don’t feel right.
If you find yourself in a position where it is difficult to accept any circumstance in your life for what it is, know you have permission to take your time to explore what is really going within yourself before coming to a place of acceptance.
You get to let acceptance happen on your own time.
There is no need to force a path of acceptance. When we try to force anything in life, our resistance to it grows stronger; keeping us stuck in a repeating pattern that never resolves itself.
The thing to know is this - something deep down inside of you learned at some point in your life, that if you could just control yourself, or if you could just control others, then you would be safe.
So instead of asking yourself to “let go” or “surrender” that which has kept you safe up until this point in your life, because most likely whatever it is you’re honestly not ready to let go of it yet (otherwise you would have), try asking yourself this . . .
What is asking for healing?
Once you heal the core wound that is driving your desire for control, there is nothing left to let go of. You will have created a felt sense of safety within yourself which naturally lends to a place where the desire for control just doesn’t exist anymore.
And when you feel safe, acceptance will flow naturally through you.
You will no longer suffer from feelings of guilt or shame because you “just can’t let go”.
Every time we heal a part of ourselves, we grow into more of our true nature, which only knows how to shine love, and therefore acceptance, into the world.
The path to acceptance may just be one of the most important legs on our journey of self discovery and healing.
I believe it is the gateway to receiving both grace and personal freedom in our lives.
A state where we can start to see that everything that happens in life is happening for us, in an effort to inspire our growth, rather than to us.
In this state of mind, we can take ourselves a little less seriously as life becomes an adventure of lessons learned; where you get to grow into more and more of yourself over and over again, and at the end of your life, you’ll be able to look back and see just how far you’ve come.
When a request for acceptance comes knocking at your door this week, instead of telling yourself to “just let it go”, ask yourself . . .
How am I being asked to grow?
What if you're not doing anything wrong?
“There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
- from the song Anthem by Leonard Cohen
This quote came to mind as I was coming up with a theme for this week’s Soul Note. I was inspired to find out the origin of the quote so I could properly honour the context in where it came from.
As I read and listened to the lyrics of Leonard Cohen’s song, Anthem, I became self conscious to take on the profound depth of thought and contemplation of this life that he so powerfully taps into.
If you are curious to dive deeper into some bigger picture wisdom of this life we are living, look up the full lyrics to the song. I am not going to go where he takes you in Anthem today, but I do think the spirit of this lyric has significance as we contemplate our own personal journeys as well.
As always, these words show up in my life in perfect synchronicity. I’d like to share a more personal anecdote this week. In hopes that it may inspire something in you as well.
Things have been hard! This past year, I have been gaining increasing clarity on my purpose in this world as the vision for what I am creating in my life comes into focus.
However, with that, it feels like I keep getting hit with one internal road block after another as I attempt to birth my dreams into reality. It has truly been the slowest process I have ever experienced. To the point where I’ve often asked myself - what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to get where I know I am fully capable of going?
It’s been frustrating because as I hold this vision, it just feels like the energy isn’t there to support it.
Have you ever felt this way? Like you hear the whispers of change calling to you but you feel stuck in the same place, day after day, month after month, maybe even year after year?
In a world that appears to favour constant movement (and fast movement at that), it is easy for us to think we are broken when the changes we want to make appear out of reach.
Here is the thing, change can be hard!
There is so much more at play, affecting our day to day actions than what we were ever taught to be conscious of.
Physically, the body is programmed physiologically to keep us safe. When a perceived threat to the status quo arises (ie. change), we can be programmed to either fight, freeze or flee the situation. If you have a tendency towards stuckness, your body may be wired to freeze in the face of fear. And change can be scary right?
Emotionally, without knowing it, we may try to protect ourselves from the big feelings that come with change such as grief of leaving behind the old or worry that as you explore new territory, it may not be as good as you thought it would be.
On top of that, from a spiritual perspective, we are always being affected by the energies around us. Our physical, mental and emotional bodies are reacting to the impact of the spiritual energy at play in this reality we live in.
I decided to have a peek at my astrology chart this morning. Funny thing is, I had read this several months ago and didn’t think too much of it. Turns out, the energies of the stars have had me in a holding pattern for awhile now. There is relief that comes in the ability to look back with a fresh perspective, one that I had to live out before realizing it was true!
Whatever it is that is impacting us, it is all happening for a reason.
The lessons I am learning through these times of stagnation are that of pure faith. Faith that the possibility of dreams realized still exists, faith that the determination and resilience I am building through this time are going to serve me well in the future, and faith that this cycle of life that I am in right now is just that, a cycle, that had a natural beginning and will have a natural ending as well.
There are times in life where we are meant to be charging ahead into new territory. And there are times when we are meant to slow down, go inward, reflect and learn from the wisdom that is hidden in the stuckness.
Sometimes the best thing to do when you are stuck is to allow yourself to be in it. To love yourself through it. And have faith that the wisdom of this time will reveal itself to you when you are ready for it.
It is in these times where we feel broken that the cracks are there to let in the light of the gifts we have been given.
So this week, you have permission to grant yourself the gift of faith as you ask yourself this . . .
What if I’m not doing anything wrong?
Please share with anyone who may need to hear these words right now.
May we all support one another to uplift the heart of our world to greater experiences of love, health & harmony.
If you would like to navigate life's challenges with greater confidence and ease while being connected to your most authentic self, you are welcome to come and join the journey. I'd love to have you there. Learn more
What do you need to feel safe?
Last post we chatted about what you need to feel safe as you adventure down the path of saying “yes” to your Soul’s callings (in case you missed it, you can read that Soul Note here).
This week I’d like to talk about the times when you need to say “no” on the journey to finding your spark again.
It’s hard though, right? For so many reasons, we may have learned it’s the more appropriate response to smile politely and just say yes to whatever life throws down on our path because it’s simply impolite to say no.
This can also come from a mis-placed sense of responsibility to be everything to everyone. If you are a healer and you feel the pain of the world deeply in your bones, you most likely want to help out anywhere you can to ease the suffering of others, even when it comes at the expense of your own well being.
It may have also been unsafe to say no. You may have ended up on the receiving end of some unkind words if you’ve ever tried to say - “sorry, no I can’t help you/be there for you/do what you’re asking me to do/be what you want me to be for you. I need to take care of myself today.”
If your body responded by getting all twisted up at even the thought of this, it’s ok. Take a breath. You’re not alone. I invite you to keep reading!
This can create so much fear in our bodies that we find ourselves doing all of the things, jumping through all of the hoops and enduring as much discomfort as we can to simply avoid having those around us be upset with us.
It’s gets exhausting, doesn’t it?
I’d like to share some words of wisdom one of my teachers shared with me:
“You should never have to make yourself sick in order for someone else to be healthy”.
This piece of wisdom has stuck to me like glue. I honestly had never considered that before. To be truthful, until I was later into my thirties, I didn’t even know I had needs of my own, never mind knowing how to identify what they were.
I was just reacting and adjusting to the world around me in an effort to maintain what I know now was a false sense of peace and harmony.
I didn’t have the language to let people know how I was really feeling and I certainly didn’t have the courage to speak up about it either.
This was one of the lessons my Soul came here to learn. Hello, my name is Kristen and I am a recovering people pleaser! My sensitive Soul just hates it when people are mad at me. It’s something I took very personally and felt deep down in my heart for a long time. I thought that if someone was upset with something I thought, felt or said it meant I was a bad person. It took a lot of self love to turn this around.
This journey of self discovery has taught me that we are all responsible for getting to know ourselves, what our needs are and to communicate with others what our needs and boundaries are as well.
Easier said that done! It’s been years of exploration and experimentation. Of getting it right at times and wrong at others. It is an ongoing journey that has led me to feel a little more empowered with every challenge that comes my way.
Being in the practice of checking in with myself and saying no when it’s right for me, as well as shifting my perspective to know that we are all ultimately responsible for ourselves, has allowed me to create the space to actually feel my own energy, to move with the callings of my own Soul and to feel safer in my body even when faced with the influence of other’s expectations, judgements and criticisms.
My wish is for you to have this experience as well.
It’s scary though. If it doesn’t feel safe to speak up for yourself, chances are your body has been on the receiving end of some intense energy at times where you tried to speak your truth.
If I can offer some guidance, it would be to do your inner work first. A tell tale sign you are saying yes when your Soul wants you to say no is a feeling of restriction, nervousness or shut down in the body. It can also feel like you need to perform in order to receive love or validation. For others it can be a build up of resentment and anger that is either really obvious or hiding underneath the surface.
Awareness is always the first step to healing. Start to become aware of this pattern within yourself first.
It’s ok to keep saying yes until you reach a place of inner strength, safety and courage to start saying no.
When we are in healthy relationship with one another, there is support and encouragement on both sides to help each other be the healthiest and most authentic versions of ourselves.
The trouble we run into is that there are a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics we’ve learned to buy into, to the point we don’t even realize they are unhealthy. It’s just normal. Because that has been what was modelled to us and that is what we learned we needed to do in order to be loved and validated.
Have patience and remember everyone is doing the best they can considering where they are on their own journey of self discovery. This includes you too!
If you find yourself in an abusive or toxic relationship, I encourage you to do some research to know the resources available to you in your area and reach out for support. There is a lot of support out there in the form of books, programs and professional counselling to help you learn how to better identify what your needs are and how to navigate your relationships in a way that is supportive to your own health.
You’re allowed to feel safe in this world. And when you are running yourself ragged to make sure everyone else is taken care of (or to make sure no one ever gets mad at you), you’ll start to notice a lot of anxiety building up in your nervous system. And if you feel like you’ve lost your spark, this may be one of the primary reasons your energy is feeling drained right now.
Knowing what you need to say "no" to may be one of the most important steps you take to empower yourself to find your spark again.
This week, start to pay attention to how your body communicates your Soul’s “no” to you. Then, when you have time to yourself, reflect back on the situation, take three breaths and ask yourself this . . .
What do you need to feel safe?
Please share with anyone who may need to hear these words right now.
May we all support one another to uplift the heart of our world to greater experiences of love, health and harmony.
I created the Find Your Spark Journey to provide you with all of the guidance & practices you need to support your path of self discovery. It's all about connecting to your inner wisdom to clear out the clutter that doesn’t feel like you anymore, so you can know yourself better than ever before. And if you can love all that you are at the same time, that's even better!
If you would like to navigate this life with greater confidence and ease while being connected to your most authentic self, you are welcome to come and join the journey. I'd love to have you there. Learn more
What do you need to feel safe?
Sometimes all we need to get unstuck is the permission to say yes to what we already know deep within us to be true.
However, so often when the Soul calls us forward to expand into something new and unfamiliar, the mind recognizes that as her cue to get to work and present you with all of the very compelling reasons for why it would be a better idea to just skip it and be ok with what you already have.
Because what’s so bad about that anyways?
And the mind is very compelling, isn’t she! We can stay stuck in unfulfilling situations for years and even decades, all because she is so masterful at convincing us that saying no to that inner nudge for change is in our best interest.
Isn’t it funny how we were born with this little chatterbox in our heads, but were never really taught what her purpose is or what she’s actually up to?
It’s when we start to see the beauty in what is happening here that the light of awareness can shine on what it is we need to feel safe in order to give ourselves the yes our Soul is calling for.
The beauty of the mind is that one of her roles is to be our master protector, and she’s great at protecting us from feeling scared!
When you look at it in this way, she’s actually being quite sweet. From a place of pure innocence, she gave herself the role of keeping us stuck in place because she really just wants us to feel better. So she does her very best to talk us out of making big changes, because the fall out of change can be scary.
So maybe its time to offer a gesture of gratitude to that little chatterbox today. Thank you for protecting me from feeling sacred. I hear you, I love you, I appreciate you for all that you do to keep me safe.
You may have heard that the best way to conquer fear is to move through it. To ignore what the mind is saying and just push through with the yes anyways.
Maybe in some cases this is what is needed. But I have another suggestion, one that feels more like love.
What if you could first identify what is needed for the part of you that is scared to feel safe, BEFORE moving ahead with your yes?
The same way you would learn how to swim, before jumping into the deep end of the swimming pool.
What if staying stuck wasn’t the only safe option?
In the midst of being frozen in stuckness, this is often the option we default to. However, what if it’s just a matter of figuring out what you need to learn first, before you jump into the deep end of this thing that seems so scary?
The Soul is always giving us inner urges that call us forward to know and experience more of our true selves. This is always going to involve something needing to change.
Sometimes it just takes a bit of planning to get there.
So this week, if you find yourself in a situation where that beautiful mind of yours is talking you out of your yes, take a moment to ask her . . .
What do you need to feel safe?
What are you waiting for?
“I have the answers I seek, and by following the truth I will find them.”
- Light Seers Tarot by Chris-Anne
One of the practices I teach in my Find Your Spark Guidebook is the practice of honest self reflection.
There’s something about finally admitting the truth to ourselves that automatically shines a light of relief on any difficult situation.
It’s tough though, right? There are lots of reason why we may hide the truth from ourselves.
However, when we do, it’s like there’s this nagging feeling. Like a virus that runs in the background on a computer. You don’t know it’s there but it’s taking up lots of precious energy, draining you without you even being aware of it.
It might feel like you are waiting for something to change, but aren’t exactly sure what that is. Something to bring some relief. But unless we slow down enough to tune in and to listen to what our inner wisdom wants to say, we end up stuck in this unease.
If this sounds familiar at all, this week I invite you to do this. Slow down, breath and tune into what relief would feel like in your body.
Then ask yourself . . .
What are you waiting for?